White is right?

I'm a proud, black woman! I'm a proud, black woman...  I'm a proud, black woman?

These are thoughts that I have on an almost daily basis here. It's amazing how living in a foreign country can effect your self image and ideas of beauty. I haven't felt this conflicted about my looks since middle school, where I often felt self-conscious and at times awkward.  As an adult, I think I have a healthy amount of self-esteem, I'm no super model but I'm not a troll either lol! At home, I never really thought about my looks. No, that's a lie, I should say I never really had any doubts about my looks. There may have been times that I didn't feel so hot, every woman does, but I never felt like I missed out on anything or was overlooked because of my looks. To me, if someone didn't appreciate me or my looks, it was their loss, plain and simple.

Moving here to the Middle East I thought I'd be surrounded, and appreciated, by other beautiful brown people. That hasn't proven to be my experience so far. I don't think the people here really embrace their brown-ness. It seems like in their eyes 'white is right'. Fairer skinned people are seen as better or more deserving of respect, in my opinion, at least that is what I've observed here. Most of the workers (think cleaners, security guards, lifeguards, etc) here are darker skinned people and they really aren't treated all that well. Most of the workers that I've interacted with here have been polite and respectful, but a lot of people are not as respectful as they could be in return. I'm not sure if they're treated that way because they have dark skin or because they are in service positions but I don't think that either is right.

Going to the beauty salon, pharmacy, or even in the souks, there are products and treatments offering to help people/women become lighter, whiter even. I was so surprised walking through the souks, to see whitening creams being offered right along side spices and incense, but in store after store, it was the same.

"Stay young, stay white!"

So, if everyone around you fails to see the beauty in your (or their) brown skin, how do you maintain a positive self image? As an adult, I struggle at times, but I often wonder, since I work in a school, how it effects children. Just recently, I was working in a new classroom covering for another teacher, and a little girl ran up to me and said (while laughing), "You're sooo black!". I was floored. First, because this kid had just met me yet she felt comfortable enough to call me black to my face, and second, because I thought I was brown, being not only 'black' but 'so black' was news to me, and third, because this child wasn't white, she was a local kid. What did she want me to do with this information? Did she mean it in a good way, the same way you might say 'you're so smart!'? What I wondered most though, was what would have happened if she had said that to another child? 

Maintaining a positive self image when you look and feel different from everyone else around you can be difficult. I personally enjoy not being like everyone else. I love the fact that my skin is the color of "the perfect coffee with cream and sugar" as my mom would say, and that almost every color looks good against it. I love that my hair is big, and curly, and kinky, and I can wear it in a big afro puff or in cornrows if I want. I love that I don't look like every other girl walking down the street 'cuz that would be boring. But when I'm out and about in the city I often notice people looking at me, and I can't always tell if they're looks of interested curiosity or something else. It's an odd feeling that I'm not used to, but I guess at some point I'll either get used to it or stop noticing.